Enlisting On Friday...

Wonder if this is gonna be my last post before enlisting for NS on fri... This forceful obligation is taking its toll on me... It seriously is, given that I'm reacting differently(weirdly would be a more appropriate word) to the situations I'm facing. I could brush it off a severe anxiety or trepidations, but I know for myself that isn't the truth. As in, I know my inner feelings & they definitely aren't good at all.

I had a good laugh watching Kungfu Panda on Monday night! Brought my cousin Tharshan, and my sister came along. Had a good laugh. We sent the boy back, and took a stroll back home. It was almost close to 12am... Oh, we went for dinner before that. Aunt wanted to give me a treat before NS. The food was really good. Some restaurant in Orchard. I forgot the name, but the food was great! Enjoyed the day...

Met Vikku yesterday(Tuesday). It's been almost 2-3 years since I last saw him. He was cause for that slight jealousy as usual. Slim-skinny body frame, great hairstyle. Both of which I have never been able to associate myself with! Hahakz! Oh, and his punctuality could never have been better. I had to wait an hour before His Majesty arrived! It was the same case years ago... Sigh... That's an old story I wish would be rekindled. The saying is true: We only realise the value of a close friend after we've lost them. I mean, how could I possibly go up to someone I had already lost, & tell him/her "Can we be close again?". SIGH...

I met Vikku at AMK Hub, finally caught Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skull! Gotta thank God he didn't mind watching it, because the other idiots I asked simply termed it boring or not their cup of tea. The word "Boring"... It can be perceived in many ways. For instance: When you meet someone, & they tell you that they feel bored, do they really feel so? Or is it an indirect statement to say that you aren't entertaining enough? It always happens to me. It could be just that I think too much, or it could really be that I'm boring to be with. I believe I'm someone who's generally quiet. If I talk a little too much, isn't it just an effort to show I'm trying my best not to be boring?

I had many people I wanted to meet in mind(before enlisting), but.... the majority of them in the list weren't interested. Not something to blog proudly about, but I feel there isn't a necessity to portray a "Mr.Likeable/Mr.Popular" image. It's been more than a week since I met and spoke to my Bestie. Bestie? It's supposed to be the one who's closest to you, understands you in out, & is there for you All the time. I seriously do not know if I should even use that term becuase that's definitely Not what I am to him. If someone shows their disdain of you so openly, wouldn't it be sheer stupidity to continue harbouring hopes that you can hold on to them for long? I still maintain, I'd give my life for a true friend. The clause is... "TRUE". Unfortunately, the ones who deserved that from me chose to lose it themselves. I forged a friendship in a hope that there would be care & concern. If even that can't be shown, then calling that person a friend is a disgrace to the word itself. I still don't hate Anyone, I only hate myself for trusting these heartless fools blindly. I hate myself so much for not deciphering the code to the heart made of stone. It's My fault, for choosing to believe in those who didn't deserve a bit of it. What I took for genuine care & concern, turned out to be nothing but a well planned act. For all the tears I'm shedding, & for all the heartache I'm going through...... God's watching.

I harbour the ultimate hatred towards myself, because I bear all the heartaches in the end.