Thinking....& thinking...

hey ppl... well, i really seem to leave a huge time frame between my posts! envy those who are free enough to update their blogs on a daily basis. same routine week. have been visiting my baby angel weekly since she was born. i love her loads. wish i could see her more often though. i have been thinking abt many things lately, literally thinking in all aspects. it's quite normal for me to do so, but i guess i over exerted my mind this time round. but it just didn't help that many things made me start thinking. u guyz muz be wondering wat an ass like me will be thinking abt. hmmz, abt my friends & "friends", relatives, studies & many other stuff.(of course, including stuff tat wasn't worth giving a second thought!!) it's at times like these i've got to agree with the few geniuses who feel i'm unintelligent!
i haven't been feeling well the past few days. very bad headache...(with special thanx to the accompanying emotional heartbrake.) i just cannot understand ppl. yeah right! i can't even understand myself in the 1st place, how am i going to understand others? guess i was just fated to be this way, to have friends who remember u only when they see u, & to totally ignore u when u need them the most. a kind soul emailed me a few days ago, asking why most of my posts seemed to have been written when i was feeling down. wat touched me most however, was the person's last sentence. it read, "... dun worry abt the friends u already have. i promise to try my best to be there when u need me." i'm not ashamed to say i shed tears when i read the email. i mean, it made me realise that there were gems out there who were waiting to be friends, but yet to be discovered. it feels great to take comfort in the fact that u have a friend who is there for u... sometimes, it's not all abt forging new friendships & realationships. it dosen't help if they all turn out to be short-term acquaintances... also, it definitely does good to cherish those who care & think abt u... it's pointless to realise their value & cry in despair after they have left u.
but again, how do u know who treasures u & who doesn't? many, & i mean many, have mastered & perfected the art of feigning care & concern. i won't blame those who lost gud friends because they couldn't differentiate the pretentious ones... i really pity them.

Importance & Priorities

hey ppl... it's yet another post. yeah, it has been some time since i blogged. actually, i was more keen in reading the blogs of others!! hehe! typical kaypoh u may think... but i had far more meaningful intentions. i was sourcing around to see if there was any fellow being who was not happy wif life. i mean, ppl start blogs to voice their opinions, & more often than not, it's abt their woes & etc. so here i was, trying to see who had the saddest tale of all.(yeah, i'm kaypoh here!)
actually, the only thing i look forward too these days is visiting my cutie baby angel(it's my baby niece for those who think i'm referring to a babe!!) just seeing her sleeping soo beautifully is enough to take ur worries away. just love cradling her in my arms. gotta thank my aunt yeah...
well i was chatting wif hui ming, & inevitably, the topic on eric wong surfaced. wat she said was very true. it does more good to look at the positive qualities of someone & like them, then to magnify their shortcomings & detest them. it's extremely easy to understand, but the same cannot be said for following it... it's always easier said than done.
this person i know is extremely nice. i don't wanna name him, cos it's already bad enough that i'm showing my dislike for him directly. a georgous looking chap who has a brotherly love u can sense. a really nice guy, but it's just tat he cannot accept the fact that he isn't given 100% importance. it's this character of him which diminishes my whole outlook of him. it's hard to look at his positive qualities. they just seem to be a constant reminder of his true intentions. yes, an elder brother he may be to me, but i can't forgo anyone or anything just for his sake. it's not that i'm unkind/heartless, it's just that, some bad behaviour shouldn't be tolerated for the well being of a person. they have got to change to be a better person.
bro... i still do love & respect u. it really is up to u to think everything through... u've gotta understand that i'm not doing this to insult u, but it's because i care for u, my brother...

What A World...

wat a queer world this is... hmmz, had ups & downs the past few days. anyway, wat's life wif only ups & no downs? but if it's gonna be all downs, than it's pointless for life to be lived!! ok, i've started my crap... pardon me yeah.. spoke to vikki for an hour on sat @ 1am!! nvm the time, it flies when u speak to him. really enjoy his company. nice fella. love him lots.. guess i have been harsh on him a couple of times... well, another person has been causing distress for sometime already. wonder when he'll get a piece of my mind...i have to learn to control my emotions. displaying them may not be a feasible decision... didn't know it would cause problems. anyway, wat do u expect in a typical old-fashioned country? where ppl's thinking date back to the centuries... gosh! it's pointless to be a modern civilisation when the mentality & thinking is ages old!! even loving someone of the same sex is mocked & ridiculed at. questions are raised abt morality & stuff... cummon guyz, dun ppl love their parents, siblings & etc? so wat is wrong in loving ur friends of the same sex? if tat's the case, i'll only have to befriend girls! nah, not a feasible option. will have to put up with the label of "flirtatious character" or "feminine tendencies"!!! i just have got this to say, instead of striving to widen knowledge & intelligence to large extents, it may be more useful to expand mentality & thinking capacities!! a very funny world indeed....

some stuff to be happy about...

hey ppl.... my niece made her much awaited arrival yesterday! she's soo pretty & cute... soo happy. i had fun too yesterday. met wif wan yee & hidayah. well, hidayah was late as usual. wan yee & i had to order 1st as the waitress had already approached us for the 3rd time!! (we were @ pizza hut) wan yee & i were unanimous wif the choice of pizza. hawaiian lovers. well, i was reminded of someone who also liked this flavour. sigh... let's not dwell into tat person's hstory now...
anyway, the pizza arrived & there still was no sign of our "punctuality queen"! she finally arrived 30mins late. but there was no apology, she tucked in right away!! haha. gud old hidayah was still the same. miz the times we went out together as sch mates... wan yee is still as pretty & slim but claims to be fat! typical girl thinking... we had fun, chatted during our meal, took a couple of pics, walked around, and even took neo prints!! gosh! the last time i had taken those was 3 years ago... how time flies yeah... anyway, all gud things have to come to an end. the time came for us to say our gudbyes & we parted...
anyway, hope u guyz have a great weekend ahead! have lotsa fun! till my next post, byez...

Life....

So ppl... how has it been going for u guyz? hope it has been pleasant at least for u all... it's been quite tiring for me, both physically & mentally. well, some of them thought tat something was wrong with me & asked wat happened. i told them i was being as i always am & smiled. but who would have guessed how much it pierced me to give that smile... it's just very difficult to remain confident when things around u seem bleak. it's even worse when u see problems in all directions & not a single soul to lend a helping hand, let alone a listening ear...
this just leads to another major confusion. friends. i definitely have done wrong somewhere. was it the way i chose my 'friends', or the conditions i set? it has to be the latter... i muz have been a fool to trust everyone who 'looked' trustworthy. u will never know a person till u have been with them for awhile. i have only selected frenz, not a whole big lot of acquaintances. but tat was also wrong because these selected few just didn't deserve such value. but i shouldn't & shan't blame anyone. cos it was my fault for selecting such ppl in the 1st place. it really defeats the purpose of friendship if u consider someone ur close friend, but he just treats u like another person he knows. it's not his fault at all, but ur very own for selecting someone like that. i have been hurt a million times but have still not learnt the way to select friends whom u can know for sure, will be there for u throughout their lifetime. maybe, i should just learn to treasure those who care abt me. even if i dun like them, i should begin 'cultivating' feelings towards them.
just look at my life... really hope no one will be just as unlucky. treasure your true friends... u will only know their value after u have lost them... i'm feeling so down. darn my luck!

Blah Blah Blah...

Hey... it's yet another National Day again. I'm not a patriotic freak therefore i'm not showing any enthusiasm. You can't blame me for it anyway... I'm someone who doesn't even think much abt the day I was born... so I can't be expected to be bothered to spare a thought for the nation's birthday!! Anyway, being my sacarstic self, "Happy National Day".
I was speaking to Hui Ming again yesterday. So glad she was there if not I would have been bored to death! Thanx to dear Shahrul too. Wonder wat happened to dear Pin Pin. He was suddenly displaying his foul temper. Anyway, he claims it's sch stress & etc. Later, he told Hui Ming tat he was hasitant to speak to me always because he felt that his english was bad! It's not like my english is soo fantastic... he just didn't have to feel inferior. Anyway, i've spoken to him & voiced my opinions. It's now up to him to follow his heart...
Honestly, I haven't been myself the past few weeks. So many thoughts are running through my mind... i really dunno if some of the things i'm doing is right/wrong... I'm confused, feeling strange & insecure. When will I be enlightened?

Gimme A Break!!

Hey ppl! hope u guyz r fine... it's been some time yeah. Well, it has been a rather eventful week, cos many things happened... Loosing some ungrateful ppl who labelled themselves "frenz"! Finding a confidant whom i'm comfortable with..(thanx Hui Ming) and unfortunately, showing my ugly side to some! My acceptance of crappy testimonials on friendster dosen't mean that I accept trash! Anyway, i'm not in the mood to forgive/accept apologies. Who am i to do such stuff anyway?
Well, i realised that it was just not good to be nice & kind and that it doesn't pay to be soft hearted!!! Some ppl just dun deserve to be treated well! I mean, humans are supposed to understand one another & try not to hurt feelings & stuff.. but tat's not the case most of the time. My gosh... i'm beginning to wonder if everyone is like tat, or is it just sheer unluckiness on my part where those around me are .........(fill in the gap with wat u think deems fit)