The July Vacation...

Well, since her return to SG in Feb, my mum's husband had been standing on one foot that he had to visit Adelaide & etc. He was firm on his decision that I was to return only at the end of the year. Well, something seems to have changed his mind. He told my mum to ask me to return to SG for the end semester break in July! It'll be for approximately 2 weeks. It's definitely reason to jump for joy but suddenly, I don't feel like going back...

No wait, before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I've adapted so well in Oz & etc... That Isn't the reason. 2 weeks surely isn't a very long period of time. Before I know it, I'll have to leave the comforts of home and return to the country where I'm practically "Sooo Happy". Of course, it'll be great to catch up with my mum & sis, my beloved cousins, the Very Few True Friends I have and devour on all that uniquely Singaporean food!! But, it just so happens I'm not good at controlling my emotions. And Farewells are Definitely not my thing! (Those who came to send me off in Feb will know exactly what I mean). Gosh, the tears & embarrassment! Maybe I don't really bother about the embarrassment, but the feeling of parting with the few people I'm so comfortable with was just so painful & I don't think I'm ready to go through it again...

I've got to make a decision soon. And the plane tickets aren't at their cheapest. I've gotta book them by end April and the dates I was looking at seem to be in demand. It's the school holiday period, and I'm not the only idiot who has the option to head home... 

Maybe... it wouldn't hurt to head back & see the people I miss so much... Or would it?

The Shopping Trip & Beyond

OMG! I had soooooo much fun today! Why?? Cos I went SHOPPING! Haha! Well, it was the 1st time I was hanging out with Nadiah & Jae out of school. (They're my seniors at Uni btw). I didn't think it was gonna be sucha blast! We seriously had a thing for shopping! We just seemed to be able to connect and I guess that's the most important thing when it comes to hanging out with people... 

We went to Harbourtown, it was my 1st visit there. Boy was it a good shopping trip. I ended up with 4 pairs of sandals, 2 bottles of perfume, 4 shirts and... I'm lazy to type the rest. We were literally encouraging one another to shop, with all the motivation whenever each one of us stepped up from the changing room! We had fish & chips and Kebabs for lunch/dinner. Awesome food, & an awesome day out...

My intention wasn't to rattle on and on about the shopping trip. I couldn't believe that I finally went out with people after 2months++ of going out alone to shop & etc. It's overwhelming, really. When I got home, I started to tear... I felt so vulnerable to loneliness in a foreign country. And lonely I've felt for so long. 

I do know myself well. How long I take to get to know people, how long I take to get close to them. It's not that I'm being extra uptight these days, but the last ordeal I went through with one person, seems to have permanently changed my opinions about getting close to people, or let alone, trusting them. It's so wrong to just come to a general conclusion/conception about people after a horrible experience with one, but I just can't help it. It was too much to bear, whatever I went through... Seems to be futile to attempt to leave the whole incident behind.You just can't. It's never possible to leave the ones whom we cared so much for. God knows how they do it so easily... Do I wish I was like them?? Definitely Not. I mean, I'd rather have character and work on having a beautiful inside, than to display characters like those as*es, which will shame their mums. But then, it's a totally different issue, if the mums in question seem to have questionable characters themselves. Talk about upbringing... :-p

Random Typings...

I was thinking about how blogging started, and the various reasons people have for blogging. Like a couple of famous as*es back in SG who call themselves Star Bloggers (do I have to mention Stomp???). Not All, but Majority would want their blog to be a reason for conversation of any kind. That cheap thrill of knowing that writing personal thoughts/opinion would bring about a large following, a fan base. Or even taking delight in having created a controversy. Basically, anything that grabs attention and shouts the existence of the pathetic being! 

My reason for still having a blog is pretty much the same as to why I started in the 1st place. This page becomes active when I don't have anyone I can talk to. Simple as that. Or when I can't trust anyone with my feelings. It really is a great relief to vent my frustrations/feelings on something that doesn't make me regret it. For starters, it can't give me biased comments, let alone communicate with me...

I was gonna go on, but I'm not feeling too well. Fever's my best friend, accompanied with coughs. I'm not feeling too well emotionally either... 

God... Help Me! Pls...

WIll I Ever Get Over You?

My last post (more than a year ago), began with a 90-day countdown towards ORD. I had intended to post the next, on that very special day, share my joys of freedom with whomever cared... But, fate had other plans for me (as usual). Little did I know, that I was gonna lose someone on that fateful night of freedom-celebration. Someone, who was so special, and whom I had grown so close to. Till today, till this very moment, I still haven't had an answer. An answer as in to why... I was totally shunned & ignored after that night. All I could & still do, is to assume. All I do know, is that I'll carry this feeling of not having a closure, to my grave..... 

There will come a day, when You will have to "answer" for all the pain & hurt You put me through. And You will shed the amount of tears I had to because of You. May God Bless You...