Fate, Life, Friendship...

I've decided not to have any salutations to anyone for this post. Not really in the mood to inquire about ppl's well being rather...

I'm extremely happy... or rather, am feigning happiness to try deceive myself that I'm Happy. Confused??? I'm very clear about my statement. Crystal clear...

Well, I've successfully isolated myself from the soul I called my bestie, who in return has rather conveniently forgot about my existence.(Or so I choose to think.) I mean, he claims to have stayed away because he though I'd be happy without his friendship. Well, that much for him knowing me well. Anyways, isn't that a very convenient excuse not just for him, but for everyone of us? (I'm including myself too.) When in actual fact, the truth would be that my abstainence would be like a good relieve, or in a much blatant term, good riddance?

I've never been perfect enough as a bestie anyways. We've never had any similar likings. It's like, pairing a party animal who boozes, with an ass who utterly detests drinkers & smokers. Pairing a soul who calls clubs with blaring music his kinda place, with one who enjoys quiet surroundings. Pairing a guy who calls everyone whom he has much fun with his brothers, with a guy who befriends selectively with much hesitations due to many previous bad experiences. Pairing one who doesn't see a need at all to meet someone uninteresting & comes up with wonderful excuses, with one who would give any excuse to the rest just to meet one. In simple words, one's only concern would be his own packed schedule and his free time, while the other would wait in vain, In Vain, wondering when the other would be free...

And ultimately, pairing an extremely gifted musically-inclined genious, with a musical idiot who only knows how to move his feet to the sounds of his anklets attached.

I guess Fate enjoys playing with all my friendships... It paired 2 totally opposite poles together as besties, made them go through whatever they did for more than 2 years, and then just wrecks everything. But Fate's one-sidedness shows clearly. I'm always the one in the loosing end, feeling all the miseries & sorrows. The other parties on the other hand, always seem to be in joyful glee...

Shankar accepts the fact of Life & Friendship. If you're happy, I'm more than happy for you... I just pray that no one, not even my arch enemy, should ever go through the emotional turmoils I've been put through... Only I know how badly it hurts, so I do not expect any ass-heads to advice me on how I'm supposed to take it, or tell me "It can't be that bad"...

And lastly, to the one in concern: Maadu, you'll never understand, but it's hard for me. I guess that IS the problem. You'll never understand... It's been months since we met, since we spoke. I know how tight your schedule is, but has my schedule ever been a concern to you? I can't forget the weekend duty I had to pay for, & got only disappointments in the end. That was a big blow, and I haven't "recovered" from it. I try to be close, but you seemingly distance yourself. No replies till I've stopped smsing you. I asked to see you once a week, then it was once a fortnight, that too became once a month, and now, once in a few months. If your point was to show that you didn't see a need to meet me often, I've got your point perfectly. It'll then result in seeing you once a year, & eventually after that one last meeting, your attendance would only be at my funeral. (I can't believe I'm smiling now... in self-mockery). You're truly missed, & my prayers are just for a miracle to happen between us. I reinstate, you're still up there as my Bestie. It's you who have to end the riddle between us. Luv you Yerumai...