If Only I Was the One you loved...

hey ppl... hope u guyz are all fine. hmmz, i did attend tharshan's birthday party on sun in the end! it was quite fun, although i couldn't eat most of the food(including the choco cake tat was soo tempting!!) cos mostly non-veg... sigh.. hey, but guess wat? i actually participated in the karaoke! hahaz! not bad for someone who would even think twice to speak in front of ppl.. but at least i got positive remarks, so i didn't feel too bad.
i was speaking to someone on the phone today morning. well, didn't hear from the person for 2 days in a row. it's hard when someone just refuses to accept that he/she has changed or is behaving unusually. the conversation drew to a stand still in no time, not taking into consideration the many disruptions. after some thoughts were exchanged, i was brought down, literally down. how could u say i was distancing myself away from u? it just striked me tat u were trying to keep away from me. i just didn't expect you to say ur close friends took rights over u & i didn't. so only those who take control over u r considered ur close ones huh? which literally means, u haven't even considered me as a close friend in the 1st place! yeah right, just because i placed u in a place up high, i can't expect u to do the same. just hope u wouldn't tell me one day tat u didn't even consider me as a casual friend. u noe, ppl are capable of anything. it's just soo hurting, my heart's aching. you refuse to voice any discontent u have, then what am i expected to do? from the way u spoke, i know you wouldn't even bother if i didn't call/messaged u. you may even be jumping for joy. you've got many "close friends" to keep u occupied, or maybe because, i just haven't meant anything to u. oh ya, maybe an irritating/boring ass who gets on ur nerves all the time. tat's wat i am to u. haha! gosh, i'm in such a state where i can laugh at my own stupidity & ill luck. how pathetic... but i ain't an ass who would wallow in self pity. i'm always drowning in my tears, nothing new to me. too bad my luck is such, having to go through hell, loving those who hate me, doubting those who sincerely do love me. no use swearing at god too. guess it's gud old fate doing it's job.
as i wrote to you before, i wish, i wish, i wish....... tat i was the one u loved. but i guess for me, wishes & dreams remain as they are. they'll never be a reality for me to embrace.