it's been more than a month... hope u guyz r doing well. well, unfortunately, this isn't gonna be a happy post. i'm just totally angry & sad. i have been buying my own clothes & stuff for some time. I always use nets to pay. my dad checked my bank book last week, and was furious i had spent soo much. the thing is, i didn't touch my savings. i only spent from my salary. but i do agree that it was too much money to spend on clothes and shoes. he hasn't spoken to me since. it's not like i care. he has always ignored and neglected me. my sis has alwayz been his favourite child. so, i just dun give a damn. even on normal days, if we spoke, it would be either to run some errands for him, or to answer his questions. he told my mum i'm acting to be quiet and afraid of him. the thing is, tat's how i am. if he can't even understand tat, then i really can't do anything. he insists i've done the greatest fault. but he really should ask himself if he is a gud father... to me, he has never been & never will be. in fact, if he's gonna ignore me totally, i'm not going to bother. i'm used to being someone in oblivion. he ignoring me makes no slight difference as it's nothing new at all. really hate life. i read of so many ppl dying young. why can't god take me? i just dun wanna live. i see no point nor purpose. my dad feels tat things would be better without me. he has made known public countless times on what a failure i am in studies compared to my sis. how ugly i am and etc. used to be embarassed & shy, but won't be anymore, cos i've faced countless humiliations. i'm gonna follow life's course, cos nothing can be changed if it's fated. don't tell me abt suicide.... cos i'm a failure at that too. i've made 3 failed attempts before. let's hope that since the present is dark, the future will be bright.